Relationship Counseling – Communication Styles that Work Well and those that might Get You Into Trouble

Chicago Relationship Counseling

People who enter into counseling or psychotherapy do so for many reasons. Some are unhappy and don’t know why. Some are in an immediate crisis and need to address a specific issue. Some have a long term health or mental health concern. When under out of the ordinary stress, communication with others tends to be more troublesome.

Sometimes people have difficulty putting thoughts into words. Some say things that they don’t really mean through impulsive statements. Some people project blame onto others and do not take personal responsibility for their part of the problems in a relationship. Some people blame themselves and are guilt ridden, and have continuous difficulty resolving their issues. Then there are those who have intentional use of harmful words or are physically abusive. They have the need to have things go their way and think that they are right and others are wrong.

I believe that conflict of the kind where voices are raised and partners bicker is not necessarily a bad thing. When couples know when to end a conversation that is heating up and return to it when they are both able to have a useful dialog about their issues can be very useful.

Where problems arise is in how people deal with conflict. Showing contempt such as name calling and blaming, defensiveness due to being or feeling attacked, keeping count on what one does versis acting out of love, criticism or judging others thoughts, feelings, or behaviors, and avoiding or refusing to engage in conversation, may be reliable predictors of increased conflict and low resolution of differences.

There are several things that people can do to be more successful in their communication and at resolving conflict.

1. Be in the present moment with others and not in the past
2. Speak more slowly and softly
3. Be honest and direct with your communication
4. Be intentional with wanting the other to hear and understand you while expressing yourself in a respectful manner
5. Be consistent in what you do and say
6. Take responsibility for what you have done wrong or poorly and apologize
7. Extend an olive branch to work things out
8. Give the other person time to process what you are saying without expecting immediate responses
9. Be realistic with your own thoughts about what is happening in your life
10. Be willing to compromise

Robert J. Smith, LCSW provides counseling and psychotherapy in the North Chicago suburbs, Northwest Chicago suburbs, Niles, Glenview, Park Ridge, and Mt. Prospect, Illinois. Contact Robert now at Chicago Relationship Counseling to schedule your appointment.  Come in together or come in alone.  You can be on the way to healing and building hope in your relationship.

Email:  [email protected] or Ph. (847) 824-8366.