The Secret to Having a Successful Marriage
Getting married is a wonderful time in your life. You are planning a beautiful wedding and youâ€™re in love with someone you want to be with forever. Despite all of the warm, fuzzy feelings you have right now, thereâ€™s probably one looming concern â€“ will it last? Knowing the secret to having a successful marriage can help you feel much better about the future.
What Is the Secret?
You cannot change your partnerâ€™s ways, but you can accept them.
There will be times in your life in which you will not agree with what your partner says and does. This will make you angry, and youâ€™re first reaction will be to attack. Attacking will do no good. It will only criticize your partner and at this point in your life, you probably wouldnâ€™t even think about criticizing. You donâ€™t want to say or do anything that would drive your partner away, right? The same goes for when youâ€™re married.
So what do you do when youâ€™re in the heat of the moment and you canâ€™t fathom accepting what your partner has done or said?
A slip of the tongue can hurt your partner deeply. Try to remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible, so you can calm down and think it through.
Keep an Open Mind
Stifle your inner critic. This critic keeps you from seeing the whole picture. Ignore the refutes your mind is presenting, so you can bring yourself back down to a level that youâ€™re able to control what you say and do.
Look for Positives
Thereâ€™s a reason you are marrying your partner. You love this person for who he/she is inside. Put yourself in your partnerâ€™s shoes to come up with reasons for the actions to come up with some positives that youâ€™ll accept more.
You may believe youâ€™re right, but thatâ€™s you. As much as you want your partner to be the same as you, that wonâ€™t ever happen. You are you and your partner is your partner. Youâ€™ve come together in marriage, but you are still two separate people.
At this stage, you are ready to talk to your partner about his/her actions. Respect and compassion will help your partner see that you are trying to understand why he/she has made certain decisions. Through learning more about the situation, you will begin to soften and accept your partnerâ€™s actions.
Accepting Doesnâ€™t Mean Agreeing
Just because you are accepting your partnerâ€™s actions doesnâ€™t mean you agree with them. Many people think that is what they are doing when they accept, which is why they resist it so strongly. Accepting has nothing to do with agreeing. Accept your partner for who he/she is and donâ€™t try to change him/her. You are you, and your partner is your partner. Show your partner your love, support, and affection through all of the years of your life, and you will see that a successful, long-lasting marriage is possible.